The Alex Show - Episode 58

____: I'll come over after dinner?

ALEX: Ahorita!

____: What's "ahorita?"

ALEX: Right now. In this very moment I am missing you, and in the very moment following this very moment, I will be missing you even more.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

You'll never remember the rest. 

- afm

two stones

there are two stones
similar in shape
and size
jagged
there are two stones
similar in height
and weight
rigid
there are two stones
different in shape
and size
fitted
there are two stones
different in height
and weight
frigid
there are two stones
they are unlike
the guise
shifted

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 57

Sometimes when I'm sad I yell at my ice cream. There's nothing quite like screaming at the things you devour.

My love for you is like ice cream. 
I want you all the time,
But you're bad for me. 
You make my tummy hurt. 
You're cold.
My love for you is like ice cream.
I always devour the things that I love. 

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 56

Everything has been placed. The script is tight and perfectly executed. There is hardly room for improvisation. The outcome: uncertain. But is that not what you want? Uncertainty? If everything goes according to plan then there isn't much to look forward to. A foreseeable future isn't a future at all. Sure, the unknown can be nerve-wracking. It's a gamble, but that's what makes it so great. If you know you are going to win every time then winning will eventually feel like nothing. You won't inherit that sense of achievement. You won't feel like you've conquered anything. In the end, it may even feel like losing. When you gamble, however, there is the fear of losing and the hope of winning. It is the uncertainty that entices you.

Polarity. It is so similar to the idea of gambling to me. It has that 50/50 chance. Everything is leveled out, fair. "All truths are but half truths, and every truth is half false." The principle of polarity has been overused here. Some paradoxes I have encountered - or that have been thrown at me, rather - cannot be reconciled. I enjoy the gamble. I appreciate the contradictions. I simply want to be the conductor. Far too many times I have let someone in, only to discover that there is no way out. They reside in me for eternity, prisoners to my own cell, yet I am the captive.

Love makes it impossible at times to control our emotions. We are the marionettes, the other the puppeteer, and love is the strings. The inability to conduct how we think or feel can be frightening, especially when that power is unwillingly - and sometimes unknowingly - granted to another person. In order for some people to trust another, they have to discover a certain amount of vulnerability in the other. Once they learn that they are not alone in their helplessness, it is now alright to feel that way. I would have to disagree. Now both people are open, but wounded and exposed. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I have recently re-learned (the hard way) that I do not need to be open in order to relate. In fact, I don't need to relate at all. I have been called a rock in many relationships, both romantic and platonic ones. It's funny how people seek comfort in a rock. They expect a rock to be opened without it breaking. Maybe it will be different the next time. Then again, maybe there won't be a next time, but if there is maybe I will open up. After all, I do like to gamble.

- afm

MK

Breathe in eternal life/ fold yourself into mine

Take back/ my picture-perfect mind
I obsessed over this sketch/ I drew the outlines to this fixation
Now it's up to me/ to erase them

I can't send your past into the nothingness/ the truth will always find you
I can't blend your past into the hourglass/ the sand will always fall through
I can't mend your past/  The hourglass can't be overturned
But what about the witches turn?

As we fall into another place I never wanted to be,
I will not strain on words you choose not to believe.

Disconnected and spiraling/ we are forged by the disbelief of immanency
We're coming undone
Disconnected and spiraling/ purging life itself into my musty dwelling
But never telling...
My sire will come

Beg/ before the presence of your soulless God
Beg/ to release the colors of your past
Beg/ before the cowards' eyes
Beg/ into his callous eyes
Beg/ into his eyes

And you toss my words away.
Well, I'm better off astray.
Your soul's a precious thing that can't be saved.

And on this dark day
I cannot turn into the thing I always feared/ But needed to be
And now my wicked mind/ will surely takes its turn/ and watch as the world burns

As we fall into another place I never wanted to be,
I will not strain on words you choose not to believe.
And you toss my words away.
Well, I'm better off astray.
Your soul's a precious thing that can't be saved.