Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Alex Show - Episode 60

There are certain things you can never forget no matter how hard you try. In fact, trying to forget something only makes it more probable to remember. The short term memory span dissipates after twenty seconds. Once you fixate on something for more than twenty seconds, you are set to remember it - at least for a considerable amount of time.
They say it heals all wounds.
Time does not heal paralysis. Time does not heal death. And worse, time does not heal a broken heart.
It's funny how they call it a broken heart when so often the heart was something already broken, and in some cases nonexistent. You cannot break something that's already been broken. Sure, you can sunder the pieces till they are an innumerable amount of shattered shards, but whether there are a billion pieces or only two, they will never be one again.
That's why true lovers know that heartbreak does not reside in the heart. It's a twinge in the pith of your stomach. It twists and turns like gears in a clock until the constant motin erodes the very gears keeping it moving, and much like time - and all the good it does in healing wounds - it stops. Numbness ensues. It is only in times like these that you truly appreciate the twinge. You miss it sincerely, because at least when you felt pain you felt something.
There are certain things you should never forget no matter how hard you wish to try. You can ignore your thoughts. You can ignore your heart. Do not ignore your stomach.
Or else you will starve to death.

- afm

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Alex Show - Episode 59


ALEX: I haven't slept the past two nights for intervals longer than thirty minutes. I keep having these realistic, vivid dreams. Dreams where you and I are talking at the bar, or dreams of getting up and going to work; dreams of fighting with her. I swear, I've lived a whole week within this time. I woke up at 5AM today thinking it was Saturday. It isn't.

____: I'm sorry. That must be confusing.

ALEX: I think I'll try this _-____ _____ was talking about. Trying something is better than nothing at this point.

____: I feel you.

ALEX: I can't keep my eyes open, ____. I'm drinking coffee right now. I never drink coffee.

____: Do you use any kind of white noise to conceal your thoughts? There's nothing worse than sleeping in utter silence when your own thoughts are the sole things keeping you awake.

ALEX: I have a fan.

____: That's good. And do you have a routine?

ALEX: A routine? Give me an example.

____: You know, certain things you do to get restful. For me there's a whole process of getting undressed, doing girl shit, figuring out what I'm wearing tomorrow, etc. It's the routine I have to complete before I can even attempt sleep.

ALEX: Drink all the alcohol. That's generally my routine.

____: Well, being that we already established that toxic nightcaps are 100% counterintuitive... anything else?

ALEX: Lots of sex always helped.

____: Does masturbating not do the trick?

ALEX: Masturbating takes five minutes. Sex takes... longer than that. It is a tad bit more physical.

____: Then maybe you should exercise to exhaustion and then rub one out. What then?

ALEX: Hah. I guess that's about the same. You and ___ were ranting about how you need your space to sleep, but honestly, I think I've grown accustomed to sleeping with someone else. Not so much "someone else," but _____ was my drug. Less nightmares, less awakenings, more consistent sleep when I was with her... even when I was sober.

____: That's what I'm getting at, Alex. It has to do with comfort. Same as it is for ___ and me as it is for you. What makes you comfortable is very different from us, however, it's about what makes us all feel at ease. It's all a head-game. It sucks to realize that, but it's true. If you want to fall asleep comfortably, it's all about routine.


She was my routine.

- afm