Sunday, January 31, 2010

space bar space bar space

blink blink blink think think think of something witty to say wit wit wit shit shit shit this is no good i must be in the hood cuz i was robbed robbed i tell you robbed what if did rhymed with good could it would it wood split split wood good no wait well yes well do tell me how to spell no wait use diction proper diction convicted with fiction what is this affliction did i fall i must have but luckily i sprung up and kept running running sight of three words called called called something but i claim that i cannot remember then how do i remember words like remember if i cannot remember three words called something something something dishonest teething decayed memories of my ability to to to remember the other one plus two two too hard to recollect collecting thought is like connecting knots when you should be tying dots to your shoes suede and blue blue blue why so sad shoe you should be a happy shoe you are suede after all or did you fall too with me when i was running to recollect my what was i trying to remember again oh yes the idea of remembering no wiat how do i remember remember yes that was it but i have not gotten anywhere yet just farther away from where i began farther away from the question at hand which is still unclear yet i continue to steer farther further farther further what is the differecne between farther and further or father and something that goes or rhymes with furhter not like father rhymes with farther i just lost an r somewhere an r is not a vowel so it should be a r but that sounds uncomfortable and clearly i only write for comfort does this not feel nice but yes father is farther then he once was but more so in a literal sense than a figurative one figuratively he is somewhat the same in distance emotionally the same mentally might be different though i would not know though i would not for i do not think about it all too often there is no guilt in that not even guilt for not feeling guilt peculiar no i ask i should have used punctation and capitalization but it is too late for that now and from here i am not going to go back and edit it all that would be so time consuming and evidently i need that time i cannot waste any of it yes that is sarcasm for what is this post but a waste of my time but what time am i wasting only mine so what does it matter to you unless you care about me and even then it is not your life so you can pester off not like you are bothering me by reading this because more than likely i will be unaware if you do indulge in this this this chocolate covered gumdrop yuck that would not mix well but a good example of two wonderfully sweet things that when put together do not fit like you and i or i and you or any idea of us together forever for never okay nokay she would say yes she might fuck i broke my carnal rule nothing is actually carnal about it i just wanted to say carnal who is formal and gets away with it these days anyways anyways anyways i was trying to say that i am not supposed to mention she or her or any feminie word unless i refer to my pansy ass self shelves shelves shelves that was the first i wrote of her it was a true story that never happened in actuality but it did happen i promise just not here or there are you coming down here do not make me come up there cuz i will you will not care though i would not touch you again again again only those first few times were fair fair fair with hair layered red but she the tax was a fare on my heart and a devilish glare a stare from the stairs what are you even talking about you are just rhyming for rhymes sake now and you are not using that wit i instructed you to find you dimwit there you are there it is there is the wit it is dim no wonder it is not coming out tonight so turn on the light numskull if a skull is numb is it even a skull at all more like goo goo goo ga ga you are no lady you are no doll you are more shady you are more dull if you are even anything at all i do not think i can conclude this with some riveting ending that will leave you oh so astounded life changing read bravo bravo bravo good sir and encore encore encore no i do implore you to stop

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 22

___: You are cruel.


___: Do you eat chicken?

Alex: Yes. I just had some actually. Why do you ask?

___: Can you eat happy chickens?

Alex: Happy chicken?

___: Yeah, because too many people eat sad chickens, and that's not okay.

Alex: Care to explain how you weigh the emotions of a chicken?

___: Sure! Most of the chickens you get at grocery stores are not happy. They are farmed in terrible conditions. They never go out in sunlight; locked in overcrowded rooms. They are genetically altered to carry so much meat on them that they cannot even walk! If you're going to end up killing them, why not let them live a happy life in the mean time?

Alex: Most of the chicken... in fact, all of the chicken I get at grocery stores are dead. Therefore they are not happy nor are they sad. They are not much of anything actually, just a very dead bird.

___: But why is it so hard to just let them live happy lives before we kill them?

Alex: Chicken have feelings. Physical ones, but I doubt they can grasp the sentiment of sunlight or leading a good life. They are animals. Birds. Not even parrots! They do without thinking or reasoning and are not effected by whether or not they live prosperous or happy lives.

___: They are still living organisms. Humans don't naturally have the right to dominate every life-form they see. If you're going to use them for your own benefit, let them live a good life!

Alex: Not all living beings desire to live good lives as humans do, and since humans are the dominant creature, we do posses that right. Do you cry when people mow the grass?

___: That's different.

Alex: How? Grass is a living matter, yet we cut it down at our whim.

___: Yes, it is, but I'm not saying, "Don't eat chicken!" or "Don't cut grass!"

Alex: What are you saying then?

___: I'm saying that even the worst predators in the world let their prey live happily before they kill it.

Alex: What matter does it make if you live happily if you know you're going to be killed? It seems more sick to deceive something you intend to destroy.

___: No. We don't destroy them. We're using them for food.

Alex: ___, we are literally destroying their lives. What difference does it make what for? If our intention from the start is to kill this creature, how we do it and for what reason we do it is not the matter. The fact that we do it is.

___: We are making it so that chickens cannot have any other way to live. No organism deserves that, especially if it's providing us with food.

Alex: The chicken is the food! What difference does it make how we treat it if we're still going to eat it? You are not making a clear point or a solution. You're just whining.

___: My solution is that people need to eat happy chickens.

Alex: No, that is a resolution. The solution would have the steps to get people there. Besides, whether the chicken is happy or sad, we still kill it. In the end, the chicken cannot win, so your cause seems unfulfilled.

___: The chicken can win. We just don't let it. Ugh! Americans think like ancient Europeans, and it's disgusting.

Alex: And you think like an eighteen year old girl, and it's silly.

___: I think more like someone who wants every being to be happy with the time it has on this planet.

Alex: Oh, then I take that back. You think like a child, and you need to grow up.

___: Wanting that is not a bad thing!

Alex: No, it is a wonderful thought, but in this world it is impossible. I am not trying to be a Debbie downer, just being realistic. Not everything can be happy all of the time, and even if it was, a Pleasantville would get annoying. We need color. All colors, even if those colors are blacks and blues. We need variation, contrast. Living in a world of white would make us just as blind as living in a world of black. Understand?

___: No. I am too sad to understand. You burst my bubble of hope.

Alex: You'll be fine. Be a happy chicken.


Alex: I am not cruel. I believe in debating. I was merely raising points, and this conversation would have been pointless if I simply agreed with you.

- Alex McCurdy

Saturday, January 30, 2010

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Four

My all time favorite artists and films were listed in my facebook information. Today I realized that I do not care if anyone ever reads them. I got rid of the lists. This is growing up.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Three

I used to love snow. I loved sledding in the snow. I loved snowball fights. I loved eating snow. I loved riding ATV's in the snow. I loved the way trees looked with snow resting upon their branches. I loved shoveling snow for thirty bucks a driveway. Today, I only enjoy snow if I know it is preventing something I do not want to happen, such as school or work or a flight. Otherwise, I think snow is a pointless nuisance. This is growing up.

- afm

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Center

I am what you are trying to remember.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Two

It was a couple months ago at an IHOP that I realized I put a considerable amount of pepper on my eggs. Ratio-wise there was probably more salt, but considering my strong dislike toward the taste of black pepper I was rather alarmed. It was during this meal I realized that I am now partial to both salt and pepper on my eggs. This is growing up.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter One

I am not a wasteful person. I will eat even when I do not want to. If food was in front of me then I would eat it, not because I particularly wanted it, but just because it was there. I should be eating because I am hungry. Problem is: I haven't had much of an appetite lately. This is growing up.

- afm

Friday, January 22, 2010

Knights and Their Ladies Fair

soldier saw a buggy on the side of the road/ so i rode, rode/ rode out on the byway behind twin oaks/ yeah, i drove, drove/ i found your sister and her baby/ and possibly maybe/ a wife to call my own/ if you want me to save thee/ you have to repay me/ my favors are only loans/ cuz nothing's for free

new orleans held a smile in the darkest of hours/ yeah, we rode, rode/ one upon the other till we filled our desire/ yeah we rode, rode/ back to your dwelling/ but not ever telling/ the basis of your coming home/ you're like a cat for a mother/ too stuck on another/ your heart so freely roams/ your love's not for me

you're tired of the jokes i tell/ the words you spoke have all cast spells/ on every man and every belle you've ever spoken to

just like pa she rose the bar too high/ yeah, she dove, dove/ fearing the dark, but that's where she lies/ yeah, we drove, drove/ drove each other crazy/ and possibly maybe/ we're better off alone/ this land is your land/ but i don't give a damn/ if you ever call it home/ cuz nothing's for free/ your love's not for me

where shall you go, right back home?

- afm

Saturday, January 16, 2010

For the Sake of Mistakes pt. II

i found myself wallowed in this hollowed shell of transparency/ but currently this currency has traced my shape/ my bones were coiled at their joints/ and appointed to the brothel/ held hostage in this hostel/ with fluid walls, clearly opaque/

in my defense, i was only seventeen/ these streets were tearing on/ and i was wondering where you wandered/

im better off when my sweater's scoffed and placed in purple bags/ ready for contempt to slither through and fill the room/ but no one knows what i mean/ once im severed at the seams/ so ever friendly toward me/ to turning on me/

in my defense, i was only seventeen/ these streets were tearing on/ and i was wondering where you wandered/

no one knows what i mean/ once my mouth has fallen out

- afm

Monday, January 11, 2010

Summer Song

Here's to those long summer nights/ that we wasted away/ alone at the bay/ not knowing where/ we would lay the next day/ We tossed our fears to the grave/ every time the tide would rise/ and when our bodies hit the waves/ our hearts were apprised of the love that we made/ You had your car/ and I had my pride/ We won't travel far/ to escape.../ The sand is roughly scoured/ and my hair is peppered gray/ as minutes turn to hours/ and hours turn to days/ While summer nears the brink/ my hands can only pray/ my heart will never sink/ to the bed of the bay/ The tide retreated/ Our hearts repleted/ and though our feelings have changed/ the memory remains/

- afm

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Alex Show - Episode 21

Anatomy of a Nightmare pt. I

Chiefly structured in the infrastructure of Duplicity, I am led up a path of man-sized mousetraps by a strapping, young you. You seem like you, and talk like you, but your smile is beguiled and misused with purpose. Oddly enough, I walk without one (a purpose, that is), and so I keep a peripheral eye on the outskirts of this shaken world. I see my youth spread across the surface of a schoolyard I once knew. I have been here before, but all is anew; restructured times two. Peculiar, no? Usually when people grow up - both literally and figuratively - they imagine places of their past to be much larger than they truly are. Here at Redland Middle School it is just the opposite. All the land and man-made features appear to be doubled in size in relation to my memory. Then again, I have always had trouble remembering. I now realize that my once peripheral outlook has become focused. You have vanished. I swear a second ago you were only a few paces before me, yet I cannot seem to trace your direction. My location and destination are unknown. I have fallen for the bait, but where is the switch?

AERIAL SHOT: With a flash and a spin I exit my body and see the world from above. There is no standstill as this "shot" overlaps the following instant as if the moment happens twice within the same timeframe.

I return to my body suddenly apprehensive, as well as I should be, for the youth I noticed earlier is closing in around me. I am in danger, but with equal relevance know that I cannot lose. These are not your friends, Alex. They will tell you otherwise, but they are not real. They inhabit their bodies, but there is nothing left but a hollowed chest and a wielded skull. I reach into my left jean pocket to find a well-sharpened No. 2 pencil. Do not hesitate. You must preva... I interrupt my encouraging yet distracting monologue.

"I yield not to saints, so why yield here?"

The question accompanies my statement as well as my action. I pullback my trusty pencil in a warrior-like stance and thrust it into the heart of my nearest youth. He looks up to the sky and lets out a shriek that raises every hair on my once steady arm. As fast as his body collapses upon my wooden blade, his head rises once again. With the same beguiled smile as my once present friend, he turns the pencil and pulls it further in.

Friendly Reminder: "... but there is nothing left but a hollowed chest and a wielded skull."

I swiftly retract my weapon and make another thrust, this time directly in his eye. Deep and narrow, the wood pierces through tissue and bone and into his brain. His smiling ceases. Now I know how to break the bind, and so the slaughtering begins.

to be continued...

- Alexander McCurdy

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Alex Show - Episode 20


10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!


____: Twenty-one in a row!

Alex: Lefties for life!


____: You are the only friend from high school that I see on a regular basis... at least the one I see the most of.

Alex: I'm flattered and sorry at the same time.


___: Fox.

I do not respond. I put my phone back in my pocket with a reluctant smile.


____: Do you promise to make sure what I tell you is kept to yourself and shared with no one else?!

Alex: I promise.


Alex: My new year's resolution is to stop being a bum and a douchebag.

____: I don't think you are either of those two things.

Alex: I am literally a bum because I am jobless and living in my friend's house [for free] since I do not have a home of my own
. In doing so I am abusing his family's kindness and hospitality, thus being a douchebag. There. Two examples.

____: Times are tough, man. Everyone has their own problems.

Alex: Oh, don't get me wrong. What bothers me is that I am well aware of my problems and how to resolve them. I have relied too long on the belief that things always get better. If i can
only get them to stay better then life would be more simple. Of course it does not work that way. I have to fight for it. I need to stop talking and start being more proactive because once I get these two main problems out of the way, everything else should fall into place.

____: I'm practically in the same boat except I'm further away than you are. For some reason I don't believe that I will ever deserve true happiness.

Alex: How can you possibly come to that conclusion?

____: Because I really care more about others than I do myself.

Alex: What makes you think caring for others more than yourself will lead to inevitable discontentment?

____: I don't feel the need to be happy to live my life. If i don't think being happy is worth it, then I don't deserve it.

Alex: Just because a man does not wish to find love, does not mean that love will not find him. Perhaps the same is with happiness.

____: Maybe that is so, but I'll just have to keep living the way I do. It's the only way I know.

Alex: Like almost anything in life, happiness is not a gift that is so easily given to you. It too is something you must fight for... much like a home or a job.

____: That's very true.

Alex: Maybe your new year's resolution should be a series of steps to obtaining that happiness. The pursuit of it, perhaps?

____: But like I said, happiness is not something I think I deserve.

Alex: Happiness - much like any food - is something that is only desired once you have had a taste of it. If you truly believe that you have not previously experienced true happiness, maybe that is why you lack the desire to obtain it. My point is that you must try whether you want to or not. Who knows? It may pay off in the end.


Alex is presenting any hope or any sign of getting it right the first time around.

____: Why should you try if you're just gonna die or throw in your towel by the final round?

Alex: Then why do you fight or think in the least if each premature thought will eventually cease?

____: You've made your point clear: we all disappear. Raise up your cup, or your beer, or your glass, and let out a cheer before present is past.

to be continued in 2010...

- Alexander McCurdy