Monday, December 29, 2008

we're cooler than a cooler

I’m so cool, when i moved to CA earlier this month, the bay area suffered from a cold front for two weeks.

I'm so cool, I swim laps around Antarctica.

I'm so cool, I bought all of my friends coats for Christmas.

I'm cooler than a frozen pool. In a kingdom, I would rule, and slay fools in duels, cuz I'm one step above them like a footstool.

You're so cool, your new nickname is Hailing Hails.

You're so cool, you can freeze time.

Hoodies cannot withstand our coolness.

We’re cooler than the desert at night.

Other people are cool like the winter, but we're cooler than the effin solstice.

We're more kick-ass than a rented mule.

We’re so cool, we're frigid minus the bitch.

We’re cooler than the back of a grocery store.

We’re so cool, we make Santa jealous.

People move to Antarctica just to be half as cool as we are.

We’re so cool, we're glacial. Icebergs ain't got shit on us.

We're cool like Aid and Cool with a K.

We're not only cool, we're pretty fly, too. We're fluttering ice cubes!

We're cooler than ice and smoother than cream.

We're so cool, we keep refrigerated shit fresh.

We're so cool and refreshing, people take us to the desert to stay hydrated.

We're so cool, we don't chatter, we natter.

We're so cool, we keep the polar bears safe from global warming.

We're so cool, we make people sick like cough, cough.

- Alexander McCurdy aka King of Alley Land

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sinking in the Ocean, I Sink in Emotion

Think amiss notions,
Drink from this potion.
Blink in slow motion,
Sink in the ocean.


k in emotion.

- Alexander McCurdy

Friday, December 26, 2008

Below the Sea, Beneath the Sheets

A current is buried below the sea
Atoning the blue and green of your feet.
From stricken surrender of strength to speak,
Hope follows the tide in suspect belief.

How rare a bedding to relax the knees
That sunders your body, slender and meek.
How ashen your face seems beneath the sheets
Matching the mattress intended for sleep.

Consciousness returns, memory retreats
Along with your sight and the light you see.
The mighty sea splits, the sheets start to thin,
Unveiling a masked, unshakable grin.

The angels failed to warm your pallid skin,
So thaw out faster, let Hell take you in.

- Alexander McCurdy

Thursday, December 25, 2008

heads up Tanta & Lanta, Santa will dress you with a manta and ride you like a PERVBAG!

why does Santa eat cookies? is that all he ever eats? it would certainly explain his incredible obesity. who made it a rule to bake cookies for Santa in the first place? who in the hell do you think you are?! what if i wanted to make him brownies or prepare a fruit salad? could he not indulge himself in them due to the lousy cookie rule? my good friend's sister just baked three delicious batches of cookies, and i want to eat them really badly, but apparently we're leaving them out for good ol saint nick. what did he do to deserve these cookies? nothing saintly, i'm sure of it. oh yeah, he delivers presents to young boys and girls around the world. BIG WHOOP! i donate to charity. i build houses for the handicap. i help elderly couples cross the street. and i do it all for free... or even pay to do it! does Santa pay to deliver toys? NO, he exchanges them for cookies! you're a fat phony, Santa! i bet you don't even share your billions of cookies with the reindeer hauling your fat ass all around the globe. you're a real bastard, Santa, and i hope the pterodactyls knock your holly jolly elephantine ass right out of the sky, and feed you to their baby pterodactyls whom you didn't even leave gifts for just because they didn't leave out any cookies for your greedy stump-face, and instead, slaved in the kitchen all evening long baking you a wonderful chicken and rice casserole that you didn't even touch, you picky cookie-eating whore!

ps. Dear Santa, i want a trip to Costa Rica to save the sea turtles. make it happen you cheap fuck!

Alexander McCurdy

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

a selfless devil delving justice

people are selfish. i do not think selfishness is a bad thing (it's not necessarily a good thing, but i don't think it's a bad thing, either). it is simply human nature. we cry at funerals. we think of all the hypothetical great times we could have spent together if only those who passed were still here. we ask God why he took their lives away from us as if their existence was in our possession. we tell ourselves that the afterlife is a "better place" so the idea of the unknown is easier to abide. we accuse God for being the Selfish One, for He wanted those dearest to us to be nearest to Him.
are these good or bad things?

it is acceptable to miss the ones we love. it is acceptable to be sad. it is acceptable to never get over it. it is even understandable to selfishly take our own lives in hopes of joining those deceased - or at least to escape the misery or desolate abyss of not sensing anything. for some reason, however, it is unacceptable to get over death too fast. people believe that a certain amount of time is needed to grieve. i do not know how this is measured, but if the limit is not reached, then we are callous... or guilty of something.
are these good or bad things?

people blame death not only on God, but on those around them. whether someone is innocent or justly incriminated, nothing can make the dead become the living (unless they are a vampire, a zombie, or Jesus... funny how those three fit into the same category). we cannot change the past, but we can take the future into our own hands. if a person is murdered, we set out to find and capture the killer. we take the liberty to punish him for his wrongdoings. we decide his sentence, and then we execute. once his retribution is complete - usually by the same act he committed - our hearts can be lifted and our souls put to ease.
are these good or bad things?

i expect and accept the selfish nature of people. perhaps you can tell me if that is a good or bad thing.

- Alexander McCurdy

Monday, December 22, 2008

"i wish to be fed toasted bread," she said

bread is popular. it makes life easier. it is affordable. it is always around when i need it. i like bread. i eat it almost every day. it has become a habitual task to place a slice above and below an array of sauces, meats, and cheeses just as John Montague instructed. bread & butter is an appropriate idiom and supplement for anything with noodles or a thick dressing to dip it in. what would the brilliant combination of Peanut Butter & Jelly be with nothing to hold it together?
muddy, purple vomit, in case you weren't imagining.

as a child, i would consider it a treat to eat bread by itself (the heel being the holy grail of all snacks). i wondered if my grown self would still feel the same, so today i fulfilled my curiosity - and my belly - with a plain white slice of bread. it was the base to nothing. not butter, not jam, not turkey or ham. just bread by itself, seemingly bland. by the way, my name is not Sam. but it was not bland at all! it didn't reach the pedestal i had placed it upon in my mind, but my self-indulgent side enjoyed every bite. i also remember going through phases when i only prepared my sandwiches toasted. i loved how the hot and crunchy outer-layer completely changed the taste of the sandwich.
i know better now.

whether a sandwich is toasted or not, the taste is not what changes, merely the texture. my crispy phases were new and exciting, but would never last long. as i felt pieces of my meal crumble between my fingers, i knew i couldn't withstand a lackluster world without fluff or comfort. i was tired of scooping up the burnt remnants off of the table and into the trash. i could have consumed them, i know. after all, i hate being wasteful, but not as much as i hated - and still do hate - that unsavory aftertaste of charred grain. i had to revert to my bland bread days. those days were less time consuming. i wasn't wasting energy. i wasn't in need of some kitchen appliance. most of all, those were the days i truly felt happy.
if happy could speak, would i recognize its voice?

times change. preferences change. my taste today doesn't match my taste or the memory of my taste as a child. today i ate a plain white slice of bread. it was a treat, but if i were to solely eat bread in this manner, it too would lose its appeal. the taste would change in its regularity, and a deviant side of me would pine for all of my sandwiches to be toasted.
but im trying not to burn things... even if it's just bread.

- Alex McCurdy

Sunday, December 21, 2008

i need to use a muse to amuse me...

for my eyes are tired with this dull screen.



























Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Top Albums of 2008

My top 10 favorite albums of 2008:

10) Crystal Castles

by Crystal Castles
Crystal Castles' debut album is a poppy glitch of crazy fun with emphasis on the craaaAazzZyy!

9) Relativity

by Emarosa
"Tailored sheeeets!" This powerful opening line will be stuck in your head for weeks. Dance Gavin Dance's former front man, Jonny Craig, joins up with the remnants of fellow Rise Records metalcore band, Emarosa. If you're a fan of Circa Survive's music, and a voice that will make you develop a man crush (no homo), then this album is for you.

8) Year of the Gentleman

by Ne-Yo
If you weren't shakin' your booty to "Closer," then you probably never hit up da clubs. The R&B songwriter makes a record you will never get "so sick" of listening to. Yeah, yeah, Usher, your time is up!

7) Fortress

by Protest the Hero
Not a big metal fan? You are now! Hair Metal, Heavy Metal, Metalcore, everything METAL can get along and bash each others face in to Fortess. Just don't forget to slow down for the classical piano ballads.

6) Feed the Animals

by Girl Talk
This is more like 87 billion artists in one hyperactive package. Proceed with caution after you insert this masterfully mixed disc. You may turn into an animal.

5) A History of Violence

by Jedi Mind Tricks
Hands down the greatest rappers alive! Suck a dick, Lil Wayne, cuz Jedi is A Milli-on timez betta den yo bitch a$$! C 'em on da mic!

4) með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust

by Sigur Rós
What's that? You can't understand Icelandic? Well, you won't give a hoot what they're saying, because these four visual artists can even lull insomniacs to sleep. Upbeat and rhythmically challenging in the beginning, this record eventually slows down to accompany you and your loved one for some major snuggling. If you're a painter, put this baby on loop!

3) Sky Eats Airplane

by Sky Eats Airplane
Electro-metalcore-pop. It's all been done before, but never quite like this. These music theory majors will have your head-banging cranium more confused than when taking a multi-variable calculus exam. Chromatic melodies escape from the typical 3rd and 5th harmonies, and venture to all kinds of eerie yet beautiful chords. Listeners be warned: you may want to break the Commandments while listening to this record.

2) Drunk Like Bible Times

by Dear & the Headlights
Road trip anyone?! Pop this indie-folk-rock album in and drive to the farthest possible destination. The sophomore album of Arizona-based DATH will have you singing, dancing, laughing and crying. Make sure you have memorized those catchy and whimsical lyrics, because you will never run into more polysyllabic lines then when you're Drunk Like Bible Times!

1) The Alchemy Index: Vols. III and IV - Air & Earth

by Thrice
Overwhelming. If you were listening to this post-hardcore rock band back in 2003, you never would have believed that they could create something so diverse. This quartet from Orange County, CA, self-produced and recorded four EP's to construct their concept album, The Alchemy Index. This year, the remaining two EP's were released, each based on one of the elements: Air has an ambient and downy feel, while Earth displays the musicians' folk style. Air & Earth both contain six tracks - relating to their element - including final tracks written in the form of sonnets. When combined with The Alchemy Index: Vols. I and II - Fire & Water 2007's release, Thrice can easily be considered one of the most versatile and experimental bands to date.

This list is solely based on my opinions and musical taste. I'm curious, what are your favorite albums of 2008?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

swallow a swallow if your belly is hollow

i thrice saw a crow bear bread for its bred.
i twice saw a crane hammer herrings with its head.
i once saw a hummingbird rape an admiral red.
my perception of beauty is naturally dead.

- Alexander McCurdy

Friday, December 12, 2008

the window and the rose

suppose i placed a rose just outside your bedroom window. do you think the wind would blow too forcefully and make the rose erode? if so, i propose we find your rose a cloak or armored robe - or replace the rose with some anaerobe.

but no! i love this rose - though it rarely shows - and i can find an antidote to ward off a winds harsh blow. after all, the wind is only a foe when it is up and i am below - therefore it is not a friend, and then again, i typically fight my foes. i hit 'em in the nose and stomp upon their toes when any signs of militancy is knowingly made known.

but no! i don't wage wars, for my rage is AWOL, and my barrel is apparel to a chamber barely full. but the chamber in my home - with the window and the rose - still doesn't know how to stop the corroding blows.

i wish it weren't so exposed.

- Alexander McCurdy

Thursday, December 11, 2008

the land is silent. the hand is violent.

i'll take you by the river, we can swim in it.
i'll teach you how to dive, you can even reach bottom.

- Alexander McCurdy

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

happy thoughts

I'm flying, or so I thought. "I wish I was, but I don't know how it happens," I told her. "It just does sometimes."

"Will you tell me about it the next time it happens?" she asked.

"Of course I will," I answered.

"I want to be the first to know about it," she said greedily.

"Well, I hope I can take you one day."

"I hope so, too!"

"And maybe once I learn how it works, I can show you how, and we can fly together. Then we'll never have to worry about disappearing... we can just fly away."

- Alexander McCurdy + ma'am

Sunday, December 7, 2008

apparently we are apparent like a cracker for a parrot

i was googling potatoess - that's what i do when i really like something, i google it - and discovered in accordance to google, potatoes are associated with carrots. did you know carrots can be a various assortment of colors such as purple or red? it's insane, really. i mean, when was the last time you ate a non-orange carrot? do you think the color of a carrot effects the taste? Granny Smith apples definitely taste more sour to me than the typical Red Delicious. is Pineapple considered an apple? why is the orange the only fruit/vegetable named after its color? unlike carrots and apples, perhaps the orange can only be orange. i wonder where i can find a discolored carrot. i certainly have not seen any at the local market or in the PetsMart bunny soufflé cups. i'll have to ask a farmer. my grandfather-in-law is a farmer, but i think if i disturbed him, especially in regard to the questions within this blog, he won't send me a decent Christmas gift this year.

anyways, back to potatoes. Mr. Potato Head is most renowned for his accessorizing abilities, but sometimes i wonder more about his personal life rather than which pair of eyes or silly lips he'll be sporting. is his first name actually, Potato? how generic! it's like naming your first born son, Son. maybe the media forced that name upon him... just in case people mistook him for a severed knee or something. also, is he an uncooked potato or is he baked? he clearly isn't mashed or fried, but seriously, he never spoils. uncooked potatoes eventually shrivel in time, but what becomes of a baked potato? can it be left unrefrigerated, or will it rot and whither, as well? my assumption - due to an evident lack of knowledge concerning unattended potatoes - is that Mr. Potato Head must be baked. there is simply no other explanation for his unending survival.

- Alexander McCurdy

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

warily, i wait

warily, i wait for the next day at the station where i am stationed, 
to stumble upon the same tasks as before. 
my hand becomes the navigator as my pen creates a silver door.
my paper carries my feet once on the floor.

- Alexander McCurdy

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Planting Seeds by the River

mix-n-match a spate and a wary wood birch.
will it grow into a tree with outstretched branches?
or will its fate be submerged below a distal earth?

will it be hacked into crates carried by crates, and never rebirth?
or may it be risen from dirt so the branches can spurt
and sprout other branches for the lances to perch?

- Alexander McCurdy

Generally Speaking

every day someone is influencing the general you or the general me, and they try to force insight in what they want to see. they tell us their foresight is right and that we are wrong, and that without their omnipotent views we would fail to get along. but not necessarily with the general them or the general friend, but with the general me and the rest of society. so i do know what it's like for the general you... not exactly, you see, but once upon a time, the general you was a general me.

- Alexander McCurdy

Monday, December 1, 2008

Becoming the Stranger

Becoming the stranger 
was my scheme from the start.
I shaped a design 
to appear as three circular layers of art - 
somewhat like a dartboard.
It is graphed like so:
  1. ravage the mind
  2. dismantle the heart
  3. and never forget where the margins do part
Without any doubt,
this is where I faltered:
Tapering out the claiming vista before me
does not make it dissipate,
and ironically enough,
running my fastest will not help me escape.

A cant cannot save me
from the faint pant of Hades.
Although I'm barely breathing,
His pale horse is beside me.

- Alexander McCurdy