Monday, January 28, 2013

The Alex Show - Episode 49

Relationships are much like light years. They cannot be measured in distance.

- afm

comfort in company

one more sip and i'll be on my way/ to requiting your submissive ways/ maybe next time/ you will learn/ to right your wrongs/ and take a turn/ and churn the shoulder/ dust to bones/ lust to stone/ we must dispose/ dismiss your trust/ and everything you have ever known/ you can only burn down the structure for so long/ before the fire becomes your home

your bones will find new homes in the catacombs/ they'll be merry where i bury them

- afm

Saturday, January 26, 2013

cheap pills, cheap thrills

take a pill/ ain't it still/ the one damned thing that makes me feel real/ makes me feel ill/ makes me feel right/ comin alive/ frankenstein/ against my own will/ suicide pill/ drowning all my sorrows in tomorrow's drill/ what is the deal/ when will i fill/ the frame that is hollow when i swallow these pills/ i wallow in guilt/ i wallow in guilt/ i wallow in guilt/ my blood has been spilt/ clean it up

fill up my cup

don't look inside/ live or let die/ give me one second to recognize/ that i'm still alive/ the feeling subsides/ so i try to chase it down as i choke on the knife/ real life/ real strife/ one more pill to revive/ come alive/ frankenstein/ recharge my batteries/ i'm nature's entity/ forge my identity/ build me up chemically/ build me up

fill up my cup

gin and tonic/ supersonic/ brain waves/ brain slave/ abstain from chronic/ gin is demonic/ tastes like pine forest/ pining for solace/ i find it ironic/ that i take pills/ cheap thrills/ old news/ same deal/ cop a feel/ fill me up/ build me up/ cut me down/ achilles' heel/ et tu, brutus/ you're just a crude bitch/ i ain't bein' ruthless/ that's just how you're viewed bitch/ you're not my new bitch/ you're just some nude bitch/ who takes it form behind/ that's why you feel blind/ when i redefined the word "relationship"/ relate to this/ clean me up/ build me up/ take it all/ all fours/ no face/ no name/ no bra/ fill me up

fill up my cup

take a pill/ ain't it still/ the one damned thing that makes me feel real/ makes me feel ill/ makes me feel right/ alright/ all bright/ all light/ heads fly/ heads fly/ heads fly/ heads fly/ heads fly/ heads fly/ heads fly/ never die

pour out my cup

Thursday, January 24, 2013

web

design. sit. wait. capture. prepare. devour. dispose. abandon.

humans. we are not so different from the spider.

- afm

Monday, January 21, 2013

The Alex Show - Episode 48

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

ALEX: It's funny how you can reach out to someone only to discover that they were never there. 

_____: Or maybe they are there, but just don't want to be found.

ALEX: What if you were reaching out because you wanted to be found?

_____: 

_____: 

ALEX: Hello?

_____: 

_____: 

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Funny.

- afm


Sunday, January 13, 2013

To Wake, To Dream

There's a hole where my heart is
If home is where the heart is.
I filled it up with empty faces,
But the contents dribbled out.
I found shelter in embraces
But no comfort in said places,
So once again I'm craving solace,
But all I find is doubt.

Poor boy, close your eyes.
The world always looks better from the inside.
Poor boy, keep them closed.
There's no fear of the unexposed.

There's a hole where I once stood.
I'd stop falling if I could.
When I'm falling I'm not moving,
Yet I'm moving all the time.
I found shelter in the landing,
But no comfort where I'm standing,
I've been planning my escape,
But I am too afraid to climb.

Poor boy, close your eyes.
The world always looks better from the inside.
Poor boy, keep them closed.
There's no fear of the unexposed.

She's carrying the carriage
To the cliff where she disparaged
All the truth she never wanted,
All the youth she had forgotten.
She'll carry me there,
And she'll cradle my head
And put me to bed
While singing a soft lullaby.
Yeah, it'll all be alright
Once I'm sleeping through the outside.

"Focus on my breathing
As our pulses start beating
Together,
And dream of me tonight."

Just because I never sleep
Doesn't mean I'll never dream.

- afm

Friday, January 11, 2013

The Alex Show - Episode 47

A mere second ago.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN 


Sometimes I backtrack. I try so hard not to, but hands contain their own minds at times. I look at old ramblings, but it appears I am conversing inward. Was I cast on the outside? Was I that lonely? Have my movements been moved? Have the roots been uprooted? Does the past never last? Or is fiction my new addiction?


I love the contrast. I hate my eviction.


FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN



I am sorry for what I have done, and for what I will never do.

- afm

Sunday, January 6, 2013

scribble scribble scri

this is twice now since the last time i was scribbling out the pages that took me ages to write i compiled compilations of endless situations but i defiled the truth i was claiming to find i mistook every gesture as a sardonic motion proving that i think each movement moves around me now what have i proven absolutely nothing nothing other than the fact that i crave to be lonely it's the only way i know how to live it's the only way i can hope to survive because if i ever reach the peak then what more will i seek if there's no more mountain to climb will i perch atop the tallest tree and watch the world move beneath me out of range from its judgment out of control's orbit or better yet will i chase my regrets stand up take a breath and dive dive and let the current take me dive and be a slave to the sky will the wind carry my limbs off to safety or will my body splatter on the ground like a fly on the windshield of a speeding car afar afar afar from the origin of what was in question this is thrice now and even i am uninterested can i be done now i am finished

- afm

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Smokescreens in the Desert

I walked for so many centuries/ For so many centuries I walked and found nothing/ on the inside/ On the inside is where I should have been searching/ I walked for thousands of centuries/ I stopped tracing my steps once I noticed I made a ring/ a ring with my footprints/ I was just circling/ tracing the outlines/ outside of my own mind/ in fear of my own thoughts surfacing/ I walked for millions of centuries/ I walked and found nothing/ but trampled pavement/ flattened foreground/ I took a chance on not a thing/ Not a thing will change me/ All of this walking/ all of this distance only to find/ my direction is aimless/ My mission is empty/ empty as my steps/ empty as my mind

- afm

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sellout

I bought a book to read your thoughts.
I bought a harp to pull your strings.
I bought a knife to cut you out.
I bought a plane to find myself.
I bought a house to have an outlet
While hiding behind walls
I never put up.
I bought a lamp, but not a plug.
This could have been enlightening.

I bought a gun to shoot my foot.

- afm


The Alex Show - Episode 46

Fragments. Never trust someone with the whole.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

_____: You broke my heart.

ALEX: It was never mine to break. I never stole your heart, _____.

_____: You don't have to take something in order to possess it.

ALEX: I never asked for it.

_____: You don't have to want something in order to possess it, either.

ALEX: Funny.

_____: What about this is funny to you?

ALEX: The whole idea of giving your heart to someone. There are too many fallacies. You can't open your heart to someone without it breaking. If your heart truly is broken, _____, there is nothing I can do to fix it, but you can still pick up the pieces.

_____: And do what with them? 

ALEX: Distribute accordingly.

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Fragments. I picked up some of my own. I still have the pieces.

- afm