Misconstrued

... up.

I sleep inside my boneless hide.

I fake what I have felt.

My mouth is Jekyll, my mind is Hyde.

I jump from pelt to pelt.

I never gave it

chance to grow.

I cut with words misused.

The syllables have all been thrown,

The meanings all abused.

I lie to lie. A hide to hide

A place I called myself,

But if one's to place as if to lie

Then where might be one's self?

If you carry the carriage,

Or something or other,

Then are you the carriage, too?

For marriage is merry until they both bury

The barraged, tired truth:

We

all

fall

down

sometimes.

We

all

fall

down

differently

and

at

different

speeds,

But

we

always

land

in

the

end.

Always.

A merry marriage: A mirage?

Who is

to say?

All I know is that I don't know anything for certain.

All I know is that I have yet to take away much

And still be able to smile

When

I look...

-afm

The Alex Show - Episode 30

An unexpected proposal! A cure for the itch? There is no way of knowing and only one way to find out: jump.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Proposal:

• __________
• __________
• __________

You get: A jump.

Alex:

• _
• _
• _

However, I am dying to go! The core of me wants to do this. Before I take this jump, though, I need a push... a strong push... maybe several.

____: I think it's cool that the core of you wants something it doesn't even know really, but if you're pushed it's not a jump... it's a fall.

Alex: Fine, not a push. More like a boost, if you will. A boost can resort in a lot of things. For all you know, a boost means I will jump farther than I could without one.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Ya know, I thought about it, and it does not matter if you jump or fall, either way you will come back down.

Alex: You never know. Maybe I'll jump higher than planned, and I'll escape this world and its gravitational pull. Maybe nothing will pull me back, and I can just float forever and eternity. Maybe.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Funny thing is, I sit here typing this when I should be jumping.

- afm

Lighters

So Jessie got carded trying to buy a lighter. Since when does a person have to be eighteen or over to purchase a lighter in the state of Maryland? Can't a man light some candles on his grandma's 87th birthday cake without plowin' through a pack of matches that will indefinitely burn his fingers at least fourteen muvuckin times? Not if he's underage he can't! How is hipster Jimmy gonna light his incense now? He can't! Great, Maryland. Just fuckin' great. For all I know, little Susie is gonna waltz into her local CVS tryin' to buy some matches because 7-11 wouldn't sell her a lighter, and she'll be friggin' arrested. Little kids everywhere tryna get their lighter fix. "Hey man, you got the fluid?" "Yeah, you got the dough?" Gosh. What is this world coming to? Five billion birds are falling out of the sky and shit, and I can't even buy a goddam lighter without a skeptical look from some dude with a towel on his head. You have a towel on your head, dude, so don't be givin' me that look!

A young brother tryna set the mood: he's got rose petals leading to the bed and shit. Even got a Marvin Gaye, Al Green mix playin' in the background, but the brother doesn't have any dimmers! Muvucka's like "Come in!" Girl starts stumblin' around in the goddam dark. What is he setting the mood for, rape?! Couldn't even have a candlelit dinner. Brother had to tie Christmas lights around the table. Worst date.

All I'm sayin' is, how you gonna chief without a fuckin' lighter? I love weed and all, but fuck marijuana. Proposition 420: LEGALIZE LIGHTERS! Gosh.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 29

Lay: to put or place

Lie: to rest or relax

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Alex: Calendars are changing, the world is changing, yet I remain steady. I know it is a bittersweet thing. There is good and bad in everything I do and do not do. I've just been so tired lately. There is a pulse in my brain that I wish to squish, and a pulse in my heart that has yet to start. I feel like a dead vehicle. I still run, I simply need a jump. A jump would be nice. Maybe I'll land someplace new, maybe someplace familiar, or maybe I won't land at all. Maybe I'll fall. To be honest, I wouldn't mind falling. The good thing about falling is that you do not have to move, gravity does everything for you.

_____:

So here I am wanting to jump and fall at the same time, debating which idea is better, knowing that it doesn't matter because I will more than likely end up in the same place: lying.

_____:

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Lie: to intentionally deceive

- afm