Thursday, January 13, 2011


So Jessie got carded trying to buy a lighter. Since when does a person have to be eighteen or over to purchase a lighter in the state of Maryland? Can't a man light some candles on his grandma's 87th birthday cake without plowin' through a pack of matches that will indefinitely burn his fingers at least fourteen muvuckin times? Not if he's underage he can't! How is hipster Jimmy gonna light his incense now? He can't! Great, Maryland. Just fuckin' great. For all I know, little Susie is gonna waltz into her local CVS tryin' to buy some matches because 7-11 wouldn't sell her a lighter, and she'll be friggin' arrested. Little kids everywhere tryna get their lighter fix. "Hey man, you got the fluid?" "Yeah, you got the dough?" Gosh. What is this world coming to? Five billion birds are falling out of the sky and shit, and I can't even buy a goddam lighter without a skeptical look from some dude with a towel on his head. You have a towel on your head, dude, so don't be givin' me that look!

A young brother tryna set the mood: he's got rose petals leading to the bed and shit. Even got a Marvin Gaye, Al Green mix playin' in the background, but the brother doesn't have any dimmers! Muvucka's like "Come in!" Girl starts stumblin' around in the goddam dark. What is he setting the mood for, rape?! Couldn't even have a candlelit dinner. Brother had to tie Christmas lights around the table. Worst date.

All I'm sayin' is, how you gonna chief without a fuckin' lighter? I love weed and all, but fuck marijuana. Proposition 420: LEGALIZE LIGHTERS! Gosh.

- afm

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