The Lord's Dare

Lord, I've traveled lonely, shook off all of my minions,
Took my hits and then some, fought for my opinions.
Lord, I bet on some things, but I won't bet on millions.
Curse me down, destroy me. Scratch out my existence.

Lord, I'm low and wandering. Rid of my oppression.
Hell-bent from my suffering, stripped of my transgressions.
Lord, I cast out most things, but I won't give up freedom.
Surrender myself to better myself, a gamble more than a mission.

All you wanted was to tame
A stubborn man to learn from his mistakes.
All I wanted was to know
If our lives are just the same as those below.

I guess I'll wait until the end
To find out if my body will descend.
I guess I'll wait until my time is completed
To admit that I'm defeated.

- afm

Ropes for Curtains

Cradled in my youth,
The agonizing truth
That I'll never be as whole as I once was.
It seems the more I learn,
The less I tend to yearn
For something real and pure.
I traded in all possessions
For otherworldly obsessions.
I bought the poison with the sum,
And spilled it in my ear.
The worst I fear is closing in,
And all I want is to give in.

Covered in my skin
This hollowed skeleton,
Whose bones are merely ropes for curtains,
Is waiting to jump out,
And turn it all around,
But my tendons lack the same intentions.
My muscles can't muster the strength
To keep my cursed hands at bay.
The other side is at arm's length.
I'm craving its embrace.
The worst I fear is closing in,
And all I want is to give in,
But I won't.

Cradled in my youth, longing for those days.
It's the agonizing truth, that nothing stays the same.
Sometimes you have to lose, to realize all you've gained.
Cradled in my youth, longing for those days.

- afm

buzzing

there was a fly
glued to the television screen
aside
aren't we all
and since he was glued
unable to move
i shuffled over to him
and swatted him away
there was another fly
circling me relentlessly
as if he was a bee without a stinger
and i had stolen the honey
so i ran to the kitchen
flicked the switch
only to discover
there were several more flies
hovering about me
i struck them down
one by one they fell
one by one they came
for every fly defeated
emerged one the same
there were many flies
perched upon my legs
and perched upon my face
a spider would sense breathing
and eight legs would race
there were no webs in the doorway
so i continued striking down
but the source could not be found
only the sound of their blaring buzz
there were countless flies
atop a pile of my clothes
i don't suppose someone is buried
in the ground
i took out the trash
i washed the dishes
yet no culprit was uncovered
something was missing
throughout my search
the flies still perched
and buzzed about my tired head
instead i thought to block them out
so i ran to the bathroom
and locked them out
i flicked on the light
but the darkness stood
at least the flies were gone for good

zzz zz zzzzzzzz

there was a fly
on the mirror

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 64

Sometimes self-preservation means abandoning all the things you hold close.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Spinning. That five-year old high, circulating at tremendous speeds and stopping abruptly, attempting to walk when the body knows it cannot. The body knows this simply because the mind tells it so.

ASIDE: It still amazes me how easily our mentalities reflect our physicality and vice a versa.

We trick our minds to believe that it is such a simple idea: one foot in front of the other. However, when sober and under police scrutiny (or any insurmountable amount of pressure) it is damn near impossible to perform effortless, natural tasks. Yet here we "stand," believing that life unfolds one event to the next, one foot after the other, page by page, so on and so on.

We have been spinning for some time now, or at least I have, and if you have been checking in and keeping track as often as I believe you do - since ratings are at minimum stagnant, and we have not yet been canceled - then you must be dizzy, too. It has been a "hot minute," as I would say, since I last personally addressed you, the audience. For that, I am far from apologetic. You get enough of me as is. Hell, the principle of getting implies that someone is giving, and I am as close to sharing as Kris Kringle is with his cookies. Everything has been stripped from me. You are all thieves.

I must revert back to the preface, before the flashes and spins. My only fear is that not a single element of this scripted plot being sincere. The sad thing is, the things I hold dear end up being the fears that I feared, adhered to the rules to dismantle the fool like fuel to a fire that only transpires once the buyer desists their yearning to continue burning the innocence of the defenseless protagonist. But there's always a twist. A new catalyst awaits in the wings.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

A beautiful woman enters/is inserted/is strategically placed. The motions follow.

ALEX: I love you. I love every aspect about you. I love the way you love me. I cannot imagine you "changing" in a way that would result in me loving you any less. Besides, change is inevitable. I feel my love for you to be just as certain as that inevitability, so maybe my love will "change." It will change in the sense that it will grow. It will move just like the tides of your eyes. I love you, _____ ______, and I am going to keep on loving you. That is the only thing unchanging.

_____: I love you, too, Alex. I have never felt so loved by someone as I do with you. I am in love with the love you show me, but more than anything, I am in love with your beautiful heart. I can see it through your eyes and your smile. I can hear it in the the things you say, but more clearly than anything I can feel it. I feel so lucky.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Sometimes abandoning all the things you hold close means you are a self-destructive coward.

Please, if any wish I wished were to ever come true, please let this be real.

- afm

The Mountain

I've barely started the climb,
I can hardly see the peak,
Yet I already feel
The sharp, piercing edges
Of the rocks below
On the other side.