there was a fly
glued to the television screen
aside
aren't we all
and since he was glued
unable to move
i shuffled over to him
and swatted him away
there was another fly
circling me relentlessly
as if he was a bee without a stinger
and i had stolen the honey
so i ran to the kitchen
flicked the switch
only to discover
there were several more flies
hovering about me
i struck them down
one by one they fell
one by one they came
for every fly defeated
emerged one the same
there were many flies
perched upon my legs
and perched upon my face
a spider would sense breathing
and eight legs would race
there were no webs in the doorway
so i continued striking down
but the source could not be found
only the sound of their blaring buzz
there were countless flies
atop a pile of my clothes
i don't suppose someone is buried
in the ground
i took out the trash
i washed the dishes
yet no culprit was uncovered
something was missing
throughout my search
the flies still perched
and buzzed about my tired head
instead i thought to block them out
so i ran to the bathroom
and locked them out
i flicked on the light
but the darkness stood
at least the flies were gone for good
zzz zz zzzzzzzz
there was a fly
on the mirror
- afm
Friday, June 13, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
The Alex Show - Episode 64
Sometimes self-preservation means abandoning all the things you hold close.
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
Spinning. That five-year old high, circulating at tremendous speeds and stopping abruptly, attempting to walk when the body knows it cannot. The body knows this simply because the mind tells it so.
ASIDE: It still amazes me how easily our mentalities reflect our physicality and vice a versa.
We trick our minds to believe that it is such a simple idea: one foot in front of the other. However, when sober and under police scrutiny (or any insurmountable amount of pressure) it is damn near impossible to perform effortless, natural tasks. Yet here we "stand," believing that life unfolds one event to the next, one foot after the other, page by page, so on and so on.
We have been spinning for some time now, or at least I have, and if you have been checking in and keeping track as often as I believe you do - since ratings are at minimum stagnant, and we have not yet been canceled - then you must be dizzy, too. It has been a "hot minute," as I would say, since I last personally addressed you, the audience. For that, I am far from apologetic. You get enough of me as is. Hell, the principle of getting implies that someone is giving, and I am as close to sharing as Kris Kringle is with his cookies. Everything has been stripped from me. You are all thieves.
I must revert back to the preface, before the flashes and spins. My only fear is that not a single element of this scripted plot being sincere. The sad thing is, the things I hold dear end up being the fears that I feared, adhered to the rules to dismantle the fool like fuel to a fire that only transpires once the buyer desists their yearning to continue burning the innocence of the defenseless protagonist. But there's always a twist. A new catalyst awaits in the wings.
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
A beautiful woman enters/is inserted/is strategically placed. The motions follow.
ALEX: I love you. I love every aspect about you. I love the way you love me. I cannot imagine you "changing" in a way that would result in me loving you any less. Besides, change is inevitable. I feel my love for you to be just as certain as that inevitability, so maybe my love will "change." It will change in the sense that it will grow. It will move just like the tides of your eyes. I love you, _____ ______, and I am going to keep on loving you. That is the only thing unchanging.
_____: I love you, too, Alex. I have never felt so loved by someone as I do with you. I am in love with the love you show me, but more than anything, I am in love with your beautiful heart. I can see it through your eyes and your smile. I can hear it in the the things you say, but more clearly than anything I can feel it. I feel so lucky.
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
Sometimes abandoning all the things you hold close means you are a self-destructive coward.
Please, if any wish I wished were to ever come true, please let this be real.
- afm
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
Spinning. That five-year old high, circulating at tremendous speeds and stopping abruptly, attempting to walk when the body knows it cannot. The body knows this simply because the mind tells it so.
ASIDE: It still amazes me how easily our mentalities reflect our physicality and vice a versa.
We trick our minds to believe that it is such a simple idea: one foot in front of the other. However, when sober and under police scrutiny (or any insurmountable amount of pressure) it is damn near impossible to perform effortless, natural tasks. Yet here we "stand," believing that life unfolds one event to the next, one foot after the other, page by page, so on and so on.
We have been spinning for some time now, or at least I have, and if you have been checking in and keeping track as often as I believe you do - since ratings are at minimum stagnant, and we have not yet been canceled - then you must be dizzy, too. It has been a "hot minute," as I would say, since I last personally addressed you, the audience. For that, I am far from apologetic. You get enough of me as is. Hell, the principle of getting implies that someone is giving, and I am as close to sharing as Kris Kringle is with his cookies. Everything has been stripped from me. You are all thieves.
I must revert back to the preface, before the flashes and spins. My only fear is that not a single element of this scripted plot being sincere. The sad thing is, the things I hold dear end up being the fears that I feared, adhered to the rules to dismantle the fool like fuel to a fire that only transpires once the buyer desists their yearning to continue burning the innocence of the defenseless protagonist. But there's always a twist. A new catalyst awaits in the wings.
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
A beautiful woman enters/is inserted/is strategically placed. The motions follow.
ALEX: I love you. I love every aspect about you. I love the way you love me. I cannot imagine you "changing" in a way that would result in me loving you any less. Besides, change is inevitable. I feel my love for you to be just as certain as that inevitability, so maybe my love will "change." It will change in the sense that it will grow. It will move just like the tides of your eyes. I love you, _____ ______, and I am going to keep on loving you. That is the only thing unchanging.
_____: I love you, too, Alex. I have never felt so loved by someone as I do with you. I am in love with the love you show me, but more than anything, I am in love with your beautiful heart. I can see it through your eyes and your smile. I can hear it in the the things you say, but more clearly than anything I can feel it. I feel so lucky.
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
Sometimes abandoning all the things you hold close means you are a self-destructive coward.
Please, if any wish I wished were to ever come true, please let this be real.
- afm
The Mountain
I've barely started the climb,
I can hardly see the peak,
Yet I already feel
The sharp, piercing edges
Of the rocks below
On the other side.
I can hardly see the peak,
Yet I already feel
The sharp, piercing edges
Of the rocks below
On the other side.
Friday, February 14, 2014
The Alex Show - Episode 63
"And even if it does…"
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
The room fell silent. The decrepit space-heater that I kept running continually even made its pause for sheer, dramatic effect.
ASIDE: It has always amazed me how such a small capacity can become occupied with so many things, yet if it weren't for our own movements nothing would stir, nothing would sound.
She lied on her side facing away from me. Symbolism, I'm sure. There she was right by my side - together, but refusing to acknowledge it. She was never a woman of many possessions, tangible or not, and though I wasn't a mere object to obtain, the idea of being hers was terrifying. After all, people are never afraid to lose something they do not possess.
I was eager to hear her response, but refrained from pushing it out of her. I wanted to say something, anything really, but everything had already been said and reiterated a hundred different ways a thousand times fold. I simply wanted to remind her I was still there, still waiting. The overly impatient space-heater picked up again cutting into our silent conversation. Maybe the space-heater never actually cut out. I did always keep it running. Maybe those moments of complete silence are actual times in which the world stands still. I kept my hands as still as that moment felt. I had all the time in the world to wait for an answer. I wasn't leaving until I had one. At least not this time.
"I love you," she quivered as if she had just stepped out of the ocean in February.
"Do you?" I asked monotonously. It hardly even sounded like a question.
"Truly I do," she replied breathlessly. She rolled over to face me now. Though she seemed agitated, I was happy to finally see her. Not only because it forced her to say these things of great magnitude directly to me, but also because I sincerely missed that face since the second she turned it away. "What else can I possibly do to assure you?"
"You can tell me what you're feeling when you're feeling it."
"But I can't express myself with words the way you can, Alex."
"Just tell me the emotion. You don't have to describe it in voluminous detail."
She laughed. "Horny."
"Well, that's obvious. What else?"
"Worried."
"Okay. What else?" I reached my arm around her waist, my hand cupping the curvature of her back.
"Safe."
"How are you worried if you feel safe?"
"I'm worried I'll lose that feeling. I felt safe with you before, and then you left. Everyone always leaves."
"Some come back."
"Sure, some do."
"I came back."
She sat up now, moving my arm away from her. "But what's going to keep you here this time? I haven't changed. I'm the same person I was then. Older, but none the wiser... clearly. We shouldn't be doing this. You're going to get bored of me, and then you'll leave. Again."
"You don't know that, and neither do I. All I know is now, ____. Don't give up on us without giving us a chance. Don't leave now."
"But I have nothing to lose now."
"Then you do not love me."
FLASH FASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
"… you'll just do it all again."
Every night I am exhausted before bed, but the second I lay my head down and close my eyes, all I hear is silence… the same deafening silence as the day you left, and suddenly the idea of sleep is as fleeting as the memory of holding you.
- afm
FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
The room fell silent. The decrepit space-heater that I kept running continually even made its pause for sheer, dramatic effect.
ASIDE: It has always amazed me how such a small capacity can become occupied with so many things, yet if it weren't for our own movements nothing would stir, nothing would sound.
She lied on her side facing away from me. Symbolism, I'm sure. There she was right by my side - together, but refusing to acknowledge it. She was never a woman of many possessions, tangible or not, and though I wasn't a mere object to obtain, the idea of being hers was terrifying. After all, people are never afraid to lose something they do not possess.
I was eager to hear her response, but refrained from pushing it out of her. I wanted to say something, anything really, but everything had already been said and reiterated a hundred different ways a thousand times fold. I simply wanted to remind her I was still there, still waiting. The overly impatient space-heater picked up again cutting into our silent conversation. Maybe the space-heater never actually cut out. I did always keep it running. Maybe those moments of complete silence are actual times in which the world stands still. I kept my hands as still as that moment felt. I had all the time in the world to wait for an answer. I wasn't leaving until I had one. At least not this time.
"I love you," she quivered as if she had just stepped out of the ocean in February.
"Do you?" I asked monotonously. It hardly even sounded like a question.
"Truly I do," she replied breathlessly. She rolled over to face me now. Though she seemed agitated, I was happy to finally see her. Not only because it forced her to say these things of great magnitude directly to me, but also because I sincerely missed that face since the second she turned it away. "What else can I possibly do to assure you?"
"You can tell me what you're feeling when you're feeling it."
"But I can't express myself with words the way you can, Alex."
"Just tell me the emotion. You don't have to describe it in voluminous detail."
She laughed. "Horny."
"Well, that's obvious. What else?"
"Worried."
"Okay. What else?" I reached my arm around her waist, my hand cupping the curvature of her back.
"Safe."
"How are you worried if you feel safe?"
"I'm worried I'll lose that feeling. I felt safe with you before, and then you left. Everyone always leaves."
"Some come back."
"Sure, some do."
"I came back."
She sat up now, moving my arm away from her. "But what's going to keep you here this time? I haven't changed. I'm the same person I was then. Older, but none the wiser... clearly. We shouldn't be doing this. You're going to get bored of me, and then you'll leave. Again."
"You don't know that, and neither do I. All I know is now, ____. Don't give up on us without giving us a chance. Don't leave now."
"But I have nothing to lose now."
"Then you do not love me."
FLASH FASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN
"… you'll just do it all again."
Every night I am exhausted before bed, but the second I lay my head down and close my eyes, all I hear is silence… the same deafening silence as the day you left, and suddenly the idea of sleep is as fleeting as the memory of holding you.
- afm
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Pull of the Tides
There's a world in you I never knew.
I'm still, yet I'm spinning at the same time.
All the things you find that once were mine
Are swiftly altered by your design.
I get lost in your eyes.
They're ever moving, changing like the pull of the tides.
A grain of sand is all I am,
But I feel like a mountain and you are the sky
Encompassing me.
Take your time to know me.
Compromise your surroundings.
Bittersweet sunrise
Brings the day and steals away my night.
I try to deny that the sun seems dimmer,
But you're the moon who makes the darkness bright.
You pull on me.
Take your time to know me.
Compromise your surroundings,
So you can fall into me.
We can fall, together we'll climb.
If you're the moon, then the tides are your eyes.
I've watched them move and crash into me.
A grain of sand is all I am, but I feel like a mountain
And you are the sky.
I'm still, yet I'm spinning at the same time.
All the things you find that once were mine
Are swiftly altered by your design.
I get lost in your eyes.
They're ever moving, changing like the pull of the tides.
A grain of sand is all I am,
But I feel like a mountain and you are the sky
Encompassing me.
Take your time to know me.
Compromise your surroundings.
Bittersweet sunrise
Brings the day and steals away my night.
I try to deny that the sun seems dimmer,
But you're the moon who makes the darkness bright.
You pull on me.
Take your time to know me.
Compromise your surroundings,
So you can fall into me.
We can fall, together we'll climb.
If you're the moon, then the tides are your eyes.
I've watched them move and crash into me.
A grain of sand is all I am, but I feel like a mountain
And you are the sky.
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