SNIRDS!

What if snakes could fly? Would you kill yourself immediately? I would. Could you imagine just walking from your car to your house, and a snake just flies by you? No thanks. "Goddammit, another snake pooped on me today!" Yuck. "Well, you know you need to go to sleep once the snakes start hissing." Also, if snakes could fly, they'd probably eat all the birds and make them extinct, or WORSE! What if snakes and birds started mating, creating the most horrifying creature of all: SNIRDS! No! God help us! THE SNIRDS ARE HERE!

On Lima Beans

Why do lima beans exist? Like, who actually enjoys a lima bean? 

"Would you like a midnight snack?"

"Oh yeah, just make a bowl of lima beans please!"

No. No one would ever want that. Ever. 

All those years as a child I thought I hated mixed vegetables. False. I just hated lima beans. Whenever I get those bags of mixed vegetables, I always take out each and every lima bean, so no one has to eat one. I wouldn't wish a lima bean upon my greatest enemy. No on deserves that kind of cruelty. Also, in the phonetic alphabet, is it Lima or lima? Because Lima, Peru isn't very American, but then again neither are lima beans - since they are clearly terrorists... terrorizing my tastebuds and all. Seriously, I think it is our duty to take a stand against the lima bean. Perhaps we should take a national poll determining the future of their existence, at least in the mixed vegetable category. Sure, if you decide to go out and buy a bag of lima beans for your own sadomasochistic needs then that's fine, but it doesn't mean that the rest of us should have to suffer. Who's with me?!

Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! Death to Lima beans! ...

The Alex Show - Episode 42

There is always a level of innocence when it comes to curiosity. 

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

ALEX: Hi.

_____: Um... hi.

ALEX: How are you?

_____: Can we skip this part?

ALEX: Which part?

_____: The part where we pretend.

ALEX: I'm serious. I just wanted to know how you were - what you've been up to.

_____: I'm fine. I'm always fine.

ALEX: You don't sound fine. You sound... flustered. 

_____: Is there anything you need?

ALEX: Oxygen and fluids, namely. 

_____: Is there anything you need from me?

ALEX: A straight answer would be nice. 

_____: Listen, I can't do this. I mean, I can, but I won't. It's not fair to me. It's not fair to either of us.

ALEX: Well, I'm sorry. I was in a particularly good mood, and it made me wonder if you were in a good mood, too. Not every sporadic call has to be the end result of a bad day or a hopeless feeling. 

_____: Well, those are the calls I'm here for. Everything else can be remitted elsewhere. 

ALEX: I thought you said we would be able to do this one day. 

_____: I used to believe that, I truly did, and maybe one day we shall, but so long as I still... I just can't.

ALEX: Still what?!

_____: Please don't yell at me.

ALEX: I wasn't... I wasn't yelling at you. I was just...

_____: And please don't tell me you were yelling at the situation.

ALEX: Okay. I'm sorry. When then?

_____: When I'm ready. When I can hear your voice without remembering what it used to tell me. When I can see your face without remembering how it used to look upon me. When I can be with you without remembering what it was like to be with you. Then we can try to do this.

ALEX: What are we talking, months? Years? Centuries?!

_____: It's not something that I can measure, Alex! They said I needed time. They said time heals all wounds. I don't want more time. I just want to forget. 

ALEX: They also said repenting for your sins would dismiss them, but I will not repent from loving you. Loving you was never a sin. It cannot be forgiven or forgotten. 

_____: Why do you say things like that to me?

ALEX: What, the truth?

_____: Just because the truth is known doesn't mean it has to be said. For someone who claims to have loved me, you clearly have the opposite intention. 

ALEX: You act like I don't even have a heart.

_____: Probably on account of you acting so heartless. 

ALEX: I still have a heart, _____. I know how to use it, and more importantly, it knows how to use me. 

_____: It knows how to use me, too.

(Click)

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Curiosity killed the cat.

- afm

Servitude

Commentating all the actions of the robbers in their mansions -
Look how prettily they sit, while you're working in the pits -
You keep on digging to find solace, but no basis is made flawless.
The hand that feeds will never bleed if you've been biting for centuries.

Subjected to the outside, submissive to the mirror,
The arbitrary consequence of solitary sustenance.
A subject to the inside, permissive to the danger,
The mandatory helplessness of voluntary decadence.

Reverting back to what you know
Doesn't comfort the ever growing pain of servicing
And bargaining.
If what you reap is what you sow,
Then by God you must dig up a million holes,
And sell your soul
Only for a chance
To hold something that is your own.

Subjected to the outside, submissive to the mirror,
The arbitrary consequence of solitary sustenance.
A subject to the inside, permissive to the danger,
The mandatory helplessness of voluntary decadence.
You are begging to be saved,
But you can't have the life you crave.

Excavate your hands,
And notice that the hole you can't get out of
Was dug by them.
The dirt under your fingernails;
Your tired limbs have all but failed.
But you're too far down
To climb back out.
There's just one way to go from now.
Down, down, down.
And maybe you will reach the other end,
Or maybe you will only descend.

Subjected to the outside, submissive to the mirror,
The arbitrary consequence of solitary sustenance.
A subject to the inside, permissive to the danger,
The mandatory helplessness of voluntary decadence.
You don't want the life you saved,
So keep digging your grave.

S.W.

For countless nights I ran for countless miles in fear that someone - or something - was in pursuit of me.
Suspended in time, suspended in my own denial I misconstrued the chase.
I made up the place, the scenery.
"Forgive me, I'm weak. Forget what you feared in me," cried the voice calling out from my feet.
"Forget what you seek, I am the shadow beneath."
All along it was my shadow, but unlike yours it did not follow,
But instead took me to your bed where the crows were picking at your reddened rosary.

A shadow impeding, the crows keep feeding.

While history repeats, I'll scatter the ashes.
I'm faking sleep while time elapses.
Give us this day our morning masses.
The mourning can wait as the body relapses.


"And I don't want to be another stranger" a stranger in your vacant eyes
"Cuz if it's meant to be, then the love we savor," will be replaced with our lies 
"And you can look at me, and say that I saved her,
But I'm no angel, I'm just another staple. I'm just another staple."


To reach the end is a false hope.
I'm playing pretend in order to cope
With the inevitable cycle of becoming the horror
I once considered an idol.

While you're staring back into hollowed eyes,
I will detract from his disguise.
The surface lacks a certain luster,
A certain mystery no god can muster.
I've stripped the outsides, I know where the truth hides.


For countless nights I chased your shadow
In hopes that mine would shortly follow,
But all I found was a hollow man
With a hollowed chest laid to rest,
Laid to rest.
Lay to rest his head.
His head is heavy with regret,
And my hands are a close second.

I don't sleep much these days.


To reach the end is a false hope.
I'm playing pretend in order to cope
With the inevitable cycle of becoming the horror
I once so gladly feared.

Your father is sleeping, enjoy the reaping.