Push them Tits!

Let me break it down for you. whicka whicka wooww
The guitar I use to record only has four strings. I have negative x amount of dollars in my bank account right now, and I swear there is some conspiracy against me because even with my work experience I cannot find a decent job. Yup. Financially, my life is balls right now. Funny thing is, even though my life is crap at the moment, for some reason my mom still wanted to be me... so she stole my identity! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

Well, today I decided that I need to turn my life around. I need to be more proactive because my problems are not going to fix themselves and help from others is making my dignity sink faster than a monster dump in the toilet. While talking to my good friend/butt buddy, Eric, he suggested that I should grab my guitar and set up a hat outside of a metro station to make some chump change. Unfortunately, I do not have the money for a hat, and more importantly I only have four guitar strings! Out of ideas, we came up with a full-proof, frowned-upon plan to solve my financial bind: Cocaine. I will push cocaine for a living! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

The plan is simple, really. Eric knows a girl who knows a guy who knows a guy who deals cocaine. Aside from this knowing upon knowing factor, I do not have any other in (unless it is with weed and there is not nearly enough money or excitement in weed), so I figure I will just suck this dude's dick, obtain some coke, and distribute it at local middle schools. This way all the cool kids will know who to go to the next time they want their nose to meet a toilet lid in the bathroom stall during lunch. In which case I will then suck a little more dick, obtain a little more coke, and start selling that shit until it's Christmas all year long! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

I know what you're thinking, "But Alex, selling cocaine is dangerous! What if something bad happens to you?!" Well, you need not worry. I am a cool guy. I can take care of myself and handle almost any situation thrown at me. Worst case scenario: I get stabbed. That's not so bad! If I die then my financial distress dies with me. See? No worries! Seriously, though, I do not think it will ever get to that point. Eric and I are tough cookies. Actually no, we're not because tough cookies suck. We're soft and moist and people like us. But that doesn't discount for how tough we are in no relation to cookies! >:( <--- that's my tough guy face. But really, Eric and I will be smart about it when we push them tits (tits is our codename for coke). Smart, right? We will even wear leather jackets and shutter shades. Now all I have to do is get in contact with this guy and meet up with him. I wish he could just bring the tits to me, though. :/

You know you're a sack of shit when you're too lazy to sell drugs.

- afm