Anti-Sleeping Beauty

LEE: ASIDE: Jus a bite to eat. Jus one last meal. What harm could it do, right? We sit, we chat, we eat, and the end. Life goes on and all that otha shit. Jus a bite, right? Hah! No, not Michelle and me. We sit, we chat, we eat, and we fuckin' think! Ya finished once the thinkin' starts. Now here we are, three hours and fourteen schemes lata, five cities from dinner, runnin' into my house, plottin' to get outta this godforsaken place and fly away to a "home." It's like I always say, "A place is a just a place unless that place is Italy."
I always keep my bedroom door closed. It isn't even my room, ya know, and the damn dog always comes in to lick my roommate's underwear. Disgusting rat. Sometimes if I open the door too forcefully the knob will slam against the wall, unintentionally locking the door. No matter, though. A simple paperclip or bobby-pin will do the trick. Anyways, today is all different. The door is open, not wide or anything like that, but it ain't shut neither. Fuckin' laundry basket knocked over, dirty underwear all over the fuckin' place. Measly mut! The mess don't bother her none, though. No surprise there. Too much else is happenin', and if she slows down now, we'll neva get outta here.

MICHELLE: We gotta hurry. Where's the computer?

LEE: It's ova there, below the nightstand.

MICHELLE: Well, could ya get it for me?

LEE: Yeah, yeah. Hold ya friggin' horses, will ya? Always bossin' me 'round. And do you mind?!

MICHELLE: What? Whatsa matta?

LEE: Well, ya got friggin' street clothes on for chrissake! Have some decency to change inta somethin' else 'fore ploppin' on somebody's bed! I mean, c'mon.

MICHELLE: Okay, okay. Well, ya gonna hand me somethin' or what?

LEE: Yeah, here. It's my ole work shirt.

MICHELLE: You were always so good with kids. What happened to that?

LEE: Nuttin. Now, c'mon. Are we doin' this or not?

MICHELLE: I need the password.

LEE: What?

MICHELLE: The password! I can't look it up if you don't gimme a password. Can't you just do it? I'm sleepy.

LEE: Yeah, yeah. Alright, give it here. Okay, let's see. Southwest. Cheap, right?

MICHELLE: Mhmm.

LEE: Where we flyin' inta? I mean, are we goin' straight there?

MICHELLE: I don't know. You're the one who's been to Italy before, not me.

LEE: Okay, we'll fly inta Heathrow, then. Take the Eurorail to Florence or Venice.

MICHELLE: Mhmm.

LEE: C'mon! You're not fallin' asleep on me, are ya? You know I'm no good at this shit. Fuckin' plans and all. I'll throw paper down, but I'm jus no good at this fuckin' plannin' shit!

MICHELLE: Woh! You really do get mad way too easily. How much did you take out, anyways?

LEE: Umm.. none.

MICHELLE: None? Well, why the hell not? We were right there at the ATM. I took out as much as I could, half thou! I thought we were doin' this together!

LEE: Ya damn right we are. It's not like I ain't got nuttin' stashed, I jus don't want that much paper in my pocket, ya know? Tight jeans?

MICHELLE: You worry too much.

LEE: You worry too little. Someone's gotta even it out.

MICHELLE: C'mere.

LEE: No.

MICHELLE: Awww, c'mere, baby. I'll take care of it. Gimme the computer.

LEE: Oh, for chrissake, here! I'm sorry, baby. I'm just so tired.

MICHELLE: I know. Me, too. Okay, Southwest. Hmm... how much do you have then?

LEE: A thou some.

MICHELLE: Not enough. What else is cheap?

LEE: Ionno, Delta?

MICHELLE: Everything is lookin' at 800 or more.

LEE: A friggin' G?! Are you kiddin' me?! Chrissake, I ain't got that kinda paper. I can't jus blow it all on a flight. We needa place to stay, right? How am I s'posed to keep ya warm 'n feed ya and all if I blow it all on one friggin' flight?!

MICHELLE: Calm down. We can work.

LEE: We'd bust ass, ya mean. The whole point is to escape all this shit. It don't matta if we in Brooklyn or Venice or fuckin' Anarctica if we still bustin, Michelle!

MICHELLE: I knew it! You don't wanna do this. Jus wanna play with the idea a lil, screw with me for a night, and fuck it all tomorrow. I knew you'd do this, Lee. I knew it.

LEE: Stop that. Stop that right now. Look at me. Look at me, ya hear? It's jus all funny how it is happening now, dontcha think? That afta all this time it never matta'd where I was or what I was doin' or who I was doin' it with. That I'd drop it, all of it, jus so we could fly outta this place. Now look, I'm finally happy. Hell, in jus a few weeks I coulda been outta here, anyways! No, not with you, but... it's jus funny that afta all this time, it is happenin' now, but that's what's important, Michelle... it is happenin' now.

MICHELLE: I'm sleepy. Can you please keep looking for a flight? Maybe a bus, even.

LEE: Okay, okay. You get some sleep, then. I'll look and book, baby, dontcha worry.

MICHELLE: It doesn't even havta be Italy. Any place is fine. Any place together.

LEE: ASIDE: This is the part where I lean down and kiss her softly on the cheek, and like an anti-Sleeping Beauty (still a beauty, though) she magically falls asleep. Ya know the terrible part bout sleeping, though? Ya either wake up, or ya dead.

- Alexander McCurdy