I Pooped a Poop

To the tune of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables

There was a time my bum was kind,
When excretions were soft
And the bowl inviting.
There was a time when my behind
Was incredibly strong,
So strong and full of fighting. 
There was a time
Then it all went wrong.

I pooped a poop in times gone by
When turds were spry
And not misgiving.
I pooped so steady and so nigh.
I pooped with no thought of forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid
And poops were made when I was wasted.
There was no bar tab to be paid,
No beer standing,
No wine untasted.

But the Jager came one night,
And my choices were all blunders.

The shots tore organs apart,

And they turned my poops to pain.

I slept with bottles by my side.

I filled my mouth with whiskey wonders.

I took the bottle, opened wide,

But it was gone, the whiskey drained.

And still I poop when need it be,

And think when they were once like feathers.

But there are poops that cannot be,

Hard and thick as strapping leather. 

I had a poop instilled in me

So different from this poop I'm giving,

So different now before whiskey.

Now beer has turned

My poop to goop. 

- afm