Friday, December 28, 2012

The Alex Show - Episode 44

I fixate on the past all too often. I live with many regrets.

ASIDE: Living with regrets is something I will never regret.

I invent hypothetical situations, what-ifs. I dream.

I am so happy with how far I've come, but still not happy with who I am. "A place is only a place," I always say. "It's the people who make it a home." I am finally starting to learn the weight to that. I always thought the place I was referring to was a physical place, a location. Now I am starting to believe that - though the physicality still applies - it is a mental place, too. If anything, where you stand inside your head is more important than where your feet may land.
type of deal.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am unhappy. Unhappiness is rooted in me. No matter how good things get I'll always find something bad to uncover. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the pleasantries. I notice the little things. I venture out and fun is had. Still, I always feel like something is missing. It is now, in this very moment, that I am starting to believe that that thing I am missing is a part of me. It is something that was taken from me, or something I set down once, misplaced and forgot about. Since I don't know what it is, I have no means of obtaining it. Either it will find me, or it won't. Either I'll have it, or I won't, and maybe once I do have it, I will not recognize it as "it," and the world will keep spinning.

The show must go on.

- afm

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