lame ranch

I love the taste of "Cool Ranch" Doritos, but what ever happened to "Cooler Ranch" Doritos?! Did advertising wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I have a really cool layout for the new Doritos bags. Unfortunately, it is so fuckin cool, that we had to take some of the "er" away from Cooler Ranch."
Personally, I don't care if the bag looks cool or not. I want the taste to be cool. Now every time I eat "Cool Ranch" Doritos, I feel cheated, because I KNOW there are cooler chips somewhere out there! Even worse, all this time no one stopped to think, "Holy shit balls! Where are the "Coolest Ranch" Doritos?!"
Am I not cool enough to have the coolest? Well, fuck you, Doritos! I'm so fuckin cool that I'm going to make my own chips with a zesty ranch flavor. I'll call them, "Frigid Ranch." No! Even better yet, "Glacial Ranch" triangle chips. Eat that, suckas!

<3,
Alex